By JACKSON DILLARD
Photo credit goes to The Diamondback.
Whether you like it or not, every time a new Drake project drops, it’s guaranteed to dominate the news cycle for a hot minute… kind of like a tweet from Donald Trump. And while both are full of baseless claims about everyone being out to get them and absurd over-the-top assertions about their own self-worth, at least Drake has a team behind him that’s trying to make him sound like a professional.
In any case, with all the other reviews about Wheelchair Jimmy’s new “playlist,” I figured I’d give you some quick hits on its 22 tracks in the only way the Internet will listen to anyone: witty one-liners.
Listen to the "playlist" here: https://play.spotify.com/album/1lXY618HWkwYKJWBRYR4MK
1. Free Smoke
I think Drake pretended to briefly date J. Lo just for some lines on this song, and honestly, I don’t hate him for it because this track slaps.
2. No Long Talk (feat. Giggs)
Drake’s continued attempts to make grime happen are as admirable as they are misguided, since he’s easily the least grimey rapper of all time.
Why does this type of Drake song always sound like it belongs in the scene of an underwater Disney movie where the two main animal characters are falling in love?
4. Jorja Interlude
Current Drake sampling "Take Care" Drake just reminds me that Drake might never make an album better than "Take Care."
5. Get It Together (feat. Black Coffee & Jorja Smith)
Dancehall is back in if you guys didn’t know… has been since Views actually.
6. Madiba Riddim
So… uhh… did you guys know Drake basically invented dancehall?
Really checking all of the Drake-ism boxes on this one: Lionel Richie interpolation? Check. Awkward use of British slang? Check. Stop running back to your old man? Check.
8. 4422 (feat. Sampha)
This track reminded me that I would much rather be listening to Sampha’s album Process that just dropped last month.
This isn’t the worst track in the “playlist,” but Drake’s anti-nap stance is both upsetting and unforgivable.
10. Skepta Interlude
“Fish eye lens on my tunnel vision.” ARE YOU MAD, BRUV?! Skepta is an absolute beast.
11. Portland (feat. Quavo & Travis Scott)
Between this song and “Mask Off” by Future, stock in flute samples for rap songs is off the charts, so whoever samples Hot Cross Buns first wins.
12. Sacrifices (feat. 2 Chainz & Young Thug)
A classic 2 Chainz verse and an intelligible Young Thug verse? I’ll happily put this one in a better playlist of my own design.
13. Nothings Into Somethings
A real "Nothing Was The Same" vibe on this one, plus it’s too short to get that mad at.
14. Teenage Forever
You know… maybe Drake only pretended to date J. Lo to get the price on this sample down… not a fan though.
15. KMT (feat. Giggs)
B-b-but XXXTENTACTION invented rapping in triplets!!!
16. Lose You
Drake being baffled as to why people don’t respect him is consistently one of the funniest things he does.
17. Can’t Have Everything
Comparing the voice message from Drake’s mom at the end of this to the one on Frank Ocean’s album is unfair, not only because Frank’s mom was downright inspiring, but also because at this point I had to take a break and listen to “Chanel” for the 1000x time.
18. Glow (feat. Kanye West)
You’d expect the two biggest stars in rap to make an absolute banger right? Well, too bad.
19. Since Way Back (feat. PARTYNEXTDOOR)
You can always tell which songs on a Drake album are written by PND, because I always skip them.
20. Fake Love
If this is your girl’s favorite song then maybe it’s time to find a new girl, just saying.
21. Ice Melts (feat. Young Thug)
This wouldn’t have sounded out of place on Young Thug’s "Jeffery," which is yet another album that I’d rather listen to than this playlist.
22. Do Not Disturb
“I’d probably self-destruct if I ever lose, but I never do.” LOL, OK DRAKE.
Look, when Drake pulls a stunt like calling this album a “playlist” all he’s doing is lowering the standards you have for the project as a whole. It’s pretty much exactly what he did when he called "If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late" a mixtape even though it was 100 percent an album.
Was it better than Views? No. Did it need to be 22 tracks? No. Is it mostly Drake rehashing old ideas he’s used in the past with slightly updated lyrics? Yep.
But does it have some classic Drake moments that are worth checking out and gather together an A-list roster of guests? Absolutely.
Best Tracks: Free Smoke, Skepta Interlude, Portland, Sacrifices, Ice Melts