By SUMMER PERRITT
EDITOR'S NOTE: This is a purely satirical series, if you did not realize that already. You can find the first "open letter" here.
Or should I say Facebook users. I am so sorry I haven't written in a few months; the time has just gotten away from me. I’ve spent my days scrolling through social media apps and absorbing tons of pointless knowledge that has given me a new and unwarranted perspective on life.
I would have written sooner, but I got a job writing for the Odyssey Online, and for some reason I haven't felt the need to write in my diary anymore. Now I get paid to write about my feelings!
Any thought, opinion or whimsy I can think of gets published, and all my Facebook friends get to read it! A couple of them even share the post and congratulate me on spilling my guts to the whole world. And the best part? Everyone thinks the regurgitation of the latest drama in my life is legitimate advice from someone with experience!
They have no idea -- or choose not to care -- that I am just a teenage girl sitting in my bedroom, writing about my feelings while Netflix plays in the background. I actually have no authority on most of the things I write about, but they call it journalism anyway!
So since I’ve started sharing everything I feel with everyone I know -- and with those random Facebook friends I accepted just to make it look like I was popular -- I haven't felt the need to keep literally anything private. A diary just seems too personal now. I need validation on how I feel, and I certainly won’t get it by writing my feelings down in a safe and secure place.
So I would like to apologize on behalf of all “open letter” letter writers and to the diaries that have been neglected and tossed aside because of my over-sharing. I also regret to inform you that it doesn't appear as if we will be mending our relationship any time soon, at least not until people realize that open letters are pure subjective opinion and not based on factual authority.
Odyssey Online writer